Diwali at home: the doorbell rings and you open the door

The diyas are lit, the rangoli is done, and the doorbell rings. Everyone in the house looks at each other for one second. You could be the one who goes. Open the door yourself, plate of sweets in hand. Your hands have a job.

The look

Pick something you can walk, bend and serve in. Nothing that needs holding up or pulling down all evening.

• Modest: a silk or silk-blend kurta set in a deep colour, maroon, bottle green or mustard, with a dupatta pinned at the shoulder so it stays out of your way.
• Modern: a light saree in a solid colour with a simple blouse, the pallu pinned flat at the shoulder, or a straight kurta with narrow trousers and a contrast dupatta.
• Hair: a neat bun or a high braid pinned up, away from your face and away from the diyas and agarbatti.
• One small detail: a pair of jhumkas you already own, or a bindi in a colour that picks up your dupatta. Just one.

Wear what you have worn before and moved comfortably in. If a sister or a cousin has the right colour, ask to borrow it.

The one move

Before the first bell, set a small plate of sweets near the door. When it rings, pick up the plate, walk to the door and open it yourself. Hold the plate at waist height with both hands. Look at each guest, say their name, and hold your eyes on theirs for one second before you step aside to let them in.

With the plate in your hands, you do not have to think about where to put them. You have a reason to stand there, and a reason to smile.

What to say first

Say this, in your own words:

Happy Diwali, Chachi, come in, take one first.

Change the name for whoever is standing there. Hold the plate out as you say it.

If it goes sideways

Sometimes the first thing a guest says is a personal question: when are you getting married, what are you doing with your life. You do not need to answer it. Smile, keep the plate out and say, "Come, sit, tell me about your trip." Then ask them something about themselves. A question about their day moves the room along, and you have not been rude to anyone.

If a guest takes the last sweet, that is fine. A second plate is waiting in the kitchen, and so is the person who will be glad to bring it.

One thing to try today

Before the first bell, tonight or this afternoon, fill a small plate with four or five sweets and keep it on the shelf near the door. Then stand by the door once, pick it up, and practise the line out loud twice: "Happy Diwali, come in, take one first." It takes two minutes, and when the bell rings your hands already know what to do.

Each Sunday: one moment coming up this week, the look for it and the one line to say first. Find the cards at /moments.