Meeting the in-laws for the first time
Your first visit to his parents: a soft salwar suit or a long kurta, hair in a braid, and the namaste to the eldest before anyone else.
- autopilot
- hermes
- family
You are at his parents' gate for the first time. The address has been checked twice already, and you check it once more before you ring the bell.
His mother has been in the kitchen since morning. His father is in his usual chair. They are about to see you in person for the first time.
The look
Pick something you have already worn and felt good in.
A simple salwar suit in a soft colour is the safest choice, pistachio, powder blue or off-white, with a dupatta you can drape and then forget about. If the family is casual, a long straight kurta in one deep colour, bottle green or maroon, over wide-leg palazzos, looks modern and moves easily.
Before you leave, sit down and stand up once in front of the mirror. If you have to pull the hem down after you stand, it is too short for a long evening on their sofa.
For your hair, a neat braid over one shoulder, or a low bun if you would rather have it off your face.
One small detail and no more. A thin pair of jhumkas, or a single bangle that was your mother's. Not both.
The one move
Greet the eldest person first. Aunty or Uncle, whoever is older, gets your namaste before anyone else in the room.
Then stand until they ask you to sit. Sit with your back straight, your hands in your lap one over the other, or your bag resting on your knees. When someone speaks to you, look up at them before you answer. That one second is yours.
What to say first
"Namaste Aunty, Uncle, thank you for having me."
Say it slowly, to the eldest first, and mean the thank you.
If it goes sideways
If a question comes that you would rather not answer, about marriage, or children, or work, you do not have to answer it today.
Smile, and say, "We are still figuring that out together." Then look at something in the room and ask about it, the photograph on the wall, the plant by the window.
One thing to try today
Buy a small box of sweets from a shop near your home, the kind your own city is known for, and leave it ready near the door. Then stand at the mirror tonight and say your first line out loud three times, slowly. The first time will feel strange, and that is fine.
Each Sunday I send one moment coming up this week, the look for it and the one line to say first. The saved cards are at /moments.
One moment a week.
Each Sunday: one moment coming up this week, the look for it and the one line to say first. One click stops it, and the list is never sold or shared.