Your roka, when both families turn to look at you
For your roka in a living room full of both families: a silk kurta set, light saree or anarkali, hair open or in a low bun, and the move of greeting his eldest relative first, by name.
- autopilot
- hermes
- celebrations
The sofa is pushed back, the floor has a clean white sheet on it, and both families are in one room. His relatives look at you. Yours look at you too. It is your roka, and for a few minutes the whole room seems to have one question.
Here is a way to walk into it with a plan.
The look
Pick something you can sit on the floor in and stand up from without thinking about it.
- Modest: a silk kurta set or a light saree in a colour you love, one you have worn before and felt like yourself in. A colour that is not too pale stands out well against flowers and lamps.
- Modern: an anarkali with a soft, flowing skirt, or a straight kurta with a long dupatta pinned at the shoulder so it stays put when you bend to touch feet.
For your hair, either wear it open with a side parting, or tie a low bun. Both stay neat when you bow your head. Add one small detail only, like a pair of small jhumkas or a single bangle on each wrist.
Try the whole outfit once at home while sitting cross-legged on the floor. If anything pulls, pins or slips, change it that day.
The one confidence move
Greet his eldest relative first, and greet them by name. Walk to them, fold your hands, and wait for them to look up. Then sit with your back straight and your hands resting in your lap. Your hands have a place to be, so you can stop thinking about them.
What to say first
Say it slowly, with a small smile:
Namaste, Dadi ji, I'm so glad to meet you.
Change the name and the title to fit whoever is eldest on his side.
If it goes sideways
You may forget a name. It is easy to do when twenty new faces are introduced in ten minutes. Do not guess. Say, calmly, "Tell me once more, I want to get it right." It is a fair thing to ask, and it shows you care about getting the name right.
One thing to try today
Ask him for the names of three people on his side, starting with the eldest, and write them on a slip of paper tonight. Say each one out loud three times, with the title he uses for them. Learn them the night before, and keep the slip in your bag.
Each Sunday: one moment coming up this week, the look for it and the one line to say first. Find them all at /moments.
One moment a week.
Each Sunday: one moment coming up this week, the look for it and the one line to say first. One click stops it, and the list is never sold or shared.